Wednesday, April 30, 2008

"Oh, Homer, that's just an urban legend. People don't do that kind of thing with fish!"


At first, I was going to go with "Top 10 Movie Wedding Moments," but then I realized that:

a. most movies with weddings are chick flicks;
b. having the original Manchurian Candidate at number one is just too dark; and
c. I didn't really want to do it.

So...without further ado, here are the Top 10 TV Wedding Moments. (No soap operas--sorry, Luke and Laura.) Enjoy (or, at the very least, nod along):

Honourable mention: the one where Turk and Carla get married on Scrubs (good, not great); Steve and Miranda's wedding on Sex and the City (the only couple I've ever truly liked on the show...I just can't remember a single thing about the wedding episode--there was a wedding episode, right?); the SATC episode where Carrie read her poem and Big wasn't paying attention (not terribly memorable aside from that one scene); Monica and Chandler's wedding on Friends (meh...I was looking for more); Abby and Luka's wedding on ER (surprisingly entertaining); Maeby and George Michael accidentally getting married in the hospital on Arrested Development (good times); Jack's wedding on Lost (because you're positive it's not going to happen right up until the point they both say "I do"--a rare example of "the best fake out is no fake out at all"); Phyllis's wedding on The Office (I know a lot of people loved this one, but I thought it was merely average); any episode of Rich Bride, Poor Bride where it seems that not only should the couple clearly not get married but that they actively despise each other (i.e. every episode); the Dallas episode ("Post-Nuptials") where J.R. and Sue Ellen get married and then Cliff Barnes, somewhat improbably, fights J.R. in the Ewing pool (good times).

The Top 10...

10. "Bachelor Party" (Episode 2.19), "Showdown" (2.20), "Something Borrowed" (2.21), and "Something Blue" (2.22, aired May 14, 2007), How I Met Your Mother (aka "The Ones Where Marshall and Lily Get Married"): The final four episodes of season two fit together quite nicely. There's a lot going on here--not all of it, in fairness, wedding-related: Ted's sanitized wedding toast ("I'm going to hold hands with you all night long," etc.), Barney winning his wedding gifts on The Price is Right, Lily trying to gain weight so she could fit in her wedding dress, Marshall's shaved head, the reveal w/r/t to Robin and Ted, and the fantastic scene in "Bachelor Party" involving Robin and a dirty gift--partial clip below. All told, the show acquitted itself quite well with the wedding stuff--which is often the kiss of death for lesser sitcoms.



9. "Hank's Wedding," The Larry Sanders Show (Episode 2.15, aired September 8, 1993): Hank gets married on the show, but freezes/is too emotional to go through with it, so Larry reads his vows for him. Very sweet. Admittedly, this was made somewhat less sweet in the long run when it was revealed that Hank's wife was a philandering golddigger, but, hey, it's TLSS, would they really have it any other way?



8. "Something Borrowed, Something Blue, Part Two," Frasier (aka "The One Where Daphne runs out on Donnie to be with Niles," Episode 7.24, aired May 18, 2000): You never want to, you know, celebrate someone running out on their wedding, but, here, everyone was rooting for Daphne to end up with Niles, so I suppose it's okay. There's always been a rumor that the creators filmed two final scenes for this episode--one with Daphne marrying Donnie and the one where Daphne fled with Niles--and let a screening audience decide. I find this highly dubious (unless they totally stacked the deck against Donnie's ending being chosen by, say, having him slap Daphne just before completing his vows).

7. "The One with Ross's Wedding, Part Two," Friends (aka "The One Where Ross says the Wrong Name," Episode 4.24, aired May 7, 1998): memorable because: the show unceremoniously dumped Emily (who was kind of a wet blanket; also, it's not called "Friends plus-one," people!); it was, admittedly, fairly shocking; Chandler and Monica hooked up for the first time; it triggered the events of season five, where the show was absolutely on fire (it wouldn't last).



T5. "Lisa's Wedding," The Simpsons (aka "The First Future Episode," Episode 6.19, aired March 19, 1995): terrific episode. In researching this entry, I stumbled upon the shocking fact that Mandy Patinkin was the voice of the very British Hugh. As Shuk pointed out, picking Patinkin over a pool of potentially hundreds of qualified British actors is...curious.

T5. "A Fish Called Selma," The Simpsons (aka "The One Where Selma Marries Troy McClure," Episode 7.19, aired March 24, 1996): Also a great episode, if only for all the innuendo about Troy McClure's fish fetish (a gag that, frankly, will never get old). You could make a good case for the episode where Sideshow Bob marries Selma ("The Black Widower") and Apu's arranged marriage ("The Two Mrs. Nahasapeemapetilons"), too.

4. "Swan Song," Dallas (aka "The One Where Bobby Dies...but it's cool, because, almost exactly one year later, we find out that this was only a dream," Episode 7.30, aired May 17, 1985): Ah, Dallas. How I've missed you. Frankly, it's inexcusable that this isn't in syndication anymore in Canada (I blame the directors of TNN turning into huge perverts and becoming SpikeTV). Anyway, as you'd might expect, picking just one wedding from Dallas was considerably difficult, as, by my count, there have been upwards of a dozen weddings on the show (Pam and Bobby, Ray and Donna, Lucy and Mitch, J.R. and Sue Ellen, J.R. and Sue Ellen again, Cliff and Jamie, Bobby and April, Ellie and Clayton, Sue Ellen and Don Lockwood, J.R. and Cally, Naldo and Jenna, Ray and Jenna, John Ross and Christopher*) and that doesn't even include weddings that were scheduled to go ahead but, for whatever reason, did not (Bobby and Jenna, Liz and Cliff, Mark Graison and Pam). That said, "Swan Song" is the clear choice, as it is both riveting television (at the time: because it was really compelling; upon rewatching: because of how hilariously wooden the performances are) and because it signalled the beginning of the end of this once fine program.

* - OK, this one I made up. The rest are true.

Of note in the below clip is that Bobby was just at Lucy and Mitch's wedding at Southfork ranch with his fiancee, Jenna. There, he decides that he doesn't want to marry Jenna but instead wants to re-marry Pam (whoa...isn't it customary to ask her out to dinner first?). So, of course, there's no avoiding the fact that Bobby Ewing, who, along with J.R., carried the show on his back for a dozen seasons, is, ultimately, kind of a dick. (To the point where, had he survived, you just know he totally would've invited Jenna to his wedding.)


You can see the follow-up scene here.

For me, the best part of the clip is when they're outside, just before the slo-mo crash, when Pam and Bobby have the following exchange (more or less):

Pam: "I dunno, Bobby, I'm so happy, but, let's be honest, you've screwed Jenna over pretty badly here. I'm just not sure if this is the right thing to do."
Bobby: "You know this is the right thing."
Pam: "I think we're doing the right thing!"

3. "One Wedding and a Funeral," 90210 (aka, "The one where Dylan and Toni get married and then Toni gets killed on a hit that Toni's dad put out on Dylan"--yes, that one, Episode 6.10, aired November 8, 1995): Having seen this relatively recently, I can say with confidence that the wedding itself was a bit of a snooze (except for the inexplicably prominent role played by Nat. Really?? Does the guy that slices your pie have to be in the wedding party?), but what comes after--Toni's father, thinking he's going to take care of Dylan, inadvertently OKing a hit on his own daughter--is probably the most memorable thing ever to happen on the show (except for the "Kelly in a cult" thing, which is unintentionally hilarious on several levels).

This sequence of events is surprisingly affecting (including the showrunners having the presence of mind to use a song with staying power--Lyle Lovett's "Nobody Knows Me"--as Dylan's theme, instead of, say, the latest from Shanice or the Goo Goo Dolls). It's also satisfying to say aloud, upon Dylan driving away and the credits rolling that, "well, the show is never going to be better than that. It's all downhill from here." Check out the whole sequence here.

Now seems as good a time as any to point how truly awful the episode's title is. Way to be super-sensitive, 90210! All that's missing is a scene with David saying, "man I just wore this suit two days ago for the wedding..."

2. "The Betrayal," Seinfeld (aka "The Backwards Episode," Episode 9.08, aired November 20, 1997):
While some maintain that the show went downhill (the most frequent lament being that it was too over the top) post-Larry David (i.e. seasons 8 and 9), I couldn't disagree more, as the final two seasons--series finale aside--were absolute gold. Gold, Jerry. And, next to "The Dealership" (my all-time favorite), "The Betrayal" might be #2. For Kramer's lollipop sight gag alone (it gets bigger as the episode progresses), this deserves a slot in the Top 10--and I don't think the writers get enough credit for pulling this off. I was going to include a rant here about the degree of difficulty (the jokes had to be funny played in reverse, but also, if you thought about it, going forward), but, alas, the only YouTube clip I can find is--confoundingly--of the episode in chronological order...which kind of defeats the whole purpose. Nevertheless, scroll to the 4:56 mark for my favorite scene ("I mean, the plague! Please!!").

1. "A Good Old-Fashioned Wedding," Cheers (Woody and Kelly's Wedding, Episode 10.25, aired May 1992):
the highest of high comedy. This hour-long episode had so many things going on--Rebecca torments the chef until he quits, the minister dies, the drunk uncle, Sam gets challenged to a sword-fight, etc.--that it verged on chaotic. But they absolutely nailed it. Bonus points because it took place almost entirely outside of the bar. More than any other show sitcom in the past 20 years, Cheers has fared the worst in syndication. Sure, you can find it in places (I believe it airs on Comedy weekday afternoons), but doesn't get pimped like some of the other shows (Seinfeld and Friends), doesn't have the street cred of other programs (South Park), and, in fairness, isn't quite as timeless as some of the other classics (specifically: The Simpsons). Case in point: YouTube doesn't have a single clip from this gem of an episode. Well, then, you'll have to take my word for it. It was awesome.

In its stead, I'll go with this, one of the five greatest moments in Cheers history.

6 comments:

RT Murphy said...

The other best Cheers moment being of course when Cliff was on Jeopardy.

Keep up with the posting! Hoo-ha!

Question Mark said...

You're right about Cheers. The show just doesn't hold up well at all. Part of the problem is the fact that Frasier ended up being a better show, which makes Cheers pale comparison.

Good list, but you missed a big one --- pro wrestling weddings! This could be a list of its own.

* Kane marries Lita on Monday Night Raw. Kane, at this point, was playing a psychotic madman, and was marrying Lita because (get this) he beat Matt Hardy in a match. Lita, needless to say, was not pleased at this turn of events. Kane, however, showed up to the wedding in a pimpin' white suit and looked so funny that the live crowd immediately started cheering him. Yes, that's right, they were cheering for the lunatic who was forcing a woman to marry him against her will.

* Undertaker marries (or, at least, attempts to marry) Stephanie McMahon. Also on Monday Night Raw. Undertaker was in his brief 'satanic priest' gimmick, and he kidnapped Steph with the intention of wedding her in some kind of gothic ceremony. Man....I feel dumb just typing this. Stone Cold Steve Austin broke the wedding up basically just out of spite.

* Billy and Chuck get married on WWF Smackdown. Billy and Chuck were a short-lived tag team whose gimmick was basically that they were the ambiguously gay duo. This went on for months until it was announced they were going to have a 'commitment ceremony' on Smackdown. During the actual vows, they acted shocked that people thought they were gay, since they just wanted to commit to themselves as a tag team. The best part of this wedding was that the minister ended up being Eric Bischoff under about five layers of makeup, who then ordered some goons to attack Billy and Chuck. You don't often see great acting in wrestling, but Bischoff acted the role of the elderly minister through this 20-minute segment and was totally convincing. It was a genuine shock when he ripped off the mask Scooby Doo-style. Never let it be said that wrestling isn't akin to Shakespeare.

* The Macho Man married Elizabeth. This technically happened on pay-per-view, but still, it culminated a five-year relationship that developed on WWF TV. I love that the pay-per-view was promoted as 'the match made in heaven' (the wedding) and 'the match made in hell' (a tag match involving Hulk Hogan and Sgt. Slaughter). Classy. Also of comic note is the fact that Savage and Elizabeth had been married in real life for several years, but divorced less than a year after their 'real' wedding. The wedding also led to a great feud when Jake Roberts crashed the reception. Ah, old-time wrestling.

Question Mark said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Question Mark said...

In a weird coincidence, the wedding episode of Frasier is on TBS right now. Man, Jane Leeves and David Hyde Pierce really sell this well.

Hal Incandenza said...

1. Ryan: Cliff on Jeopardy! was fanastic. My favorite episode, however, remains the one where Sam convinces everyone at Cheers that Gary's has been taken over by a mobster and that they're all going to die, blowing his life savings in process. Classic episode...if only for Ted Danson's out-of-control laughter in the final two minutes.

2. Shuk: I think they're might be a whole post's worth of material for the Cheers phenomenon. The thing of it is, I do think it holds up well against Frasier and Seinfeld, it's just never on. Granted, it's not as quotable as the latter or as clever as the former (and is, undeniably, rather more dated than you'd like), but it's still very funny. I'd love to see Peachtree resurrect this in, say, the 5 p.m. slot (replacing the completely unnecessary King of Queens), just to see how it does.

3. Good call with the wrestling weddings. Those totally slipped my mind. (Actually, the only one I truly remember is the Miss Elizabeth-RMMS wedding, though there's a lot I didn't know/forgot about the saga: mainly that she ended up with Lex Luger before she died. Also, did you know that Macho Man played minor league ball for the Cardinals?).

The one wedding I would add to the WWE list was when Triple H got Stephanie McMahon so drunk that she passed out...and then married her at a drive-thru chapel in Vegas. That was hilarious.

4. Very weird coincidence that that Frasier episode was on last night. I was watching too. And I agree--they acted the hell out of it. Niles's speech on the balcony just about breaks your heart. I think it's well worthy of top 10 status.

(Also: we were both watching Frasier at 11:30 p.m. on a Friday night--what the hell is the matter with us?)

Question Mark said...

Well, my excuse is that I just got in from the Jays game after a one-hour (!) streetcar ride and interminable wait for said streetcar, so I needed a way to unwind. So I was out on a Friday night, just...not late? Wait, am I actually trying to deny that I don't have a life? Pfft.